Grandma Uncensored: Top 10 Most Memorable Quotes
I love my grandma. She’s the #1 lady in my life, with my mother coming in at a close second. I was co-raised by her, which was more of a gift now than it was back then. My grandma has her flaws, as we all do, but she’s pretty honest about most of them. However, just because she’s honest, doesn’t mean that she’s right. At home, she’s uncensored. In the streets, she’s uncensored. She really likes Bubbles and Shaundre for some crazy reasons. She really acts like she cares about hurting your feelings, but she doesn’t. She’s kind and mean, logical and insane, loving and dismissive…all at the same time. Kind of like me. So Grandma, let em’ have it:
10. “White people stink. When they get wet, they smell like wet dogs.” My grandma is supposedly the perfect Christian, but the way she talks about white people makes her more like a Malcolm X era Muslim.
9. “I love to go dancing and I love to go sit by the water. He took me out for 6 months doing that and he thought he was going to get some. I looked him dead in his eye and said, I don’t believe in fornication and if you can’t deal with that, you can take me home. He dropped me off and I prayed for him.” Grandma is NOT giving up the box. GOOD.
8. “These girls today. All that stuff in their hair. That stuff on their faces. Did you see those things on her finger nails? What’s that thing on her lower back? Ewww.” I had to call her card on this one. She was going on on a date and it took her 3 hours to get ready. WTF?
7. “If you ever show up to *** ***** with a white girl, you might as well leave her in the car because she’s not coming in here.” SMH, more low key racism.
6. “I Love my Obama.” Obama could do anything in the world except cheat on his wife and she’s forgive him. She’s like a Kwame supporter.
5. “He’s just stupid. I didn’t raise my boys like that. He’s sprung when a girl talks to him. I don’t know where he got that from.” Referring to one of my, ‘softer’ uncles.
4. “If you only believe one thing I tell you boy, women are insane. I’m telling you this, because I’m one. Anytime the Bible speaks on how evil we can become, you better believe it.” Tell me something I don’t know.
3. “Let me talk to you for a second. Remember earlier when you told me my shorts were too short? *Funny face* What about the girl you just had with you? I thought she had on panties.” Talking about Bumble Bee and her white shorts that I requested she wear for me.
2. “I don’t care how they live, as long as they approach me with it. I told her don’t play with me. She came over and touched my backside and I punched her in the face.” Talking about some gay chick at Palmer Park.
1. “Don’t judge a woman by her looks, judge her by her charity.”
Bonus
“Rap music is the devil. That boom-boom-boom. Why is it so loud? It’s so vulgar. I don’t want to hear that in my house.” We have had MANY arguments about this topic. Therapist and Bubbles have both witnessed it. It gets heated. How the heck is rap music loud? Turn the volume down, problem solved.
“That girl that you brought over here, she really acts uppity. Like she’s really into church. She kept saying God this, God that. And I was thinking, she can’t be really that into following God if she’s messing with you.” Talking about of my first loves, who definitely was into God, but I do get how it came across.
“How old is that girl? She dresses funny. I don’t see too many young girls dressed like that, it’s almost like she’s out of touch with fashion. Right [momma]? *My mother shakes her head in agreement*.” Talking about the sweater that Therapist had on.
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Author: The Undresser
Black, Single, and Not Looking. Enjoys grilled salmon, cold glasses of water, and grocery shopping at Meijer. Likes women with nice ass to waist ratios, Reese Cups, and watching Real Time with Bill Maher. Dislikes cigarettes, littering, and disobedient children.
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18 Comments
10/5/2010
Lol @she can’t be really that into following God if she’s messing with you.”…g-ma always knows best
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10/5/2010
I love grannys. My granny (rip) was the most charismatic, exciting, honest, lovable woman I have ever known.
Your grandma is the TRUTH. She just had me ROTFL. But has far as #4, I hate to admit it, but she is dead right. I can even co sign some of the crazy stuff I see/hear some women do. Even some of the stuff I have done has me smh. Great post!
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10/5/2010
LOL@grandma. Gotta love her! (memory going back to that day in the shorts!)
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10/5/2010
yo grandma been foolin for the longest. remember when she beat ur sisters ass in the dining room. hahahahaha.
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10/5/2010
good post. does your grandma approve of your whorish ways? lol
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October 5th, 2010 at 4:49 pm
does your boyfriend approve of yours?
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October 5th, 2010 at 7:30 pm
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
I hate you a little bit for that one. It was really rude. But, funny as hell.
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October 5th, 2010 at 8:11 pm
LMAO! So mean, but funny!
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10/5/2010
“…she touched my backside and i punched her in the face…”
I almost fell off the chair when i read that!I tried to picture my Grandmother punching someone in the face. I just didnt happen.
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October 5th, 2010 at 4:48 pm
my grandma isn’t frail. I wish I could post her picture, lol. She’s retired and she still works.
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10/5/2010
Dudes absolutely adore their grannies. It’s super intimidating meeting the grandmother. Your grandma still goes on dates?
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October 5th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
I’d call it a block of dates. I don’t think she’s been going out for a LONG time and some dude has her attention apparently. I’m not really happy about it, but there three things I don’t wish on anyone: going to hell, having cancer, and dying alone.
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10/6/2010
Lmao! you’re grandma is a hoot! i love the frankness of older generations… its really needed sometimes
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10/6/2010
Its not a generational thing. Some people get franker as they get more into old age. They stop caring abt what people think and whether people like them or not.
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10/7/2010
Grandparents are the best! I love my grandma and rip, i love my grandad. They did not give a damn!
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10/13/2010
OMGEEE! Granny didn’t like my sweater…lol…was it the teal one?
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October 14th, 2010 at 1:41 am
do you really think I remember what color sweater you had on? I was too busy trying to take it off.
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10/15/2010
Its like the older they get the more funnier they are. What a riot..
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