Poor Performance – No Refunds
Monday, January 25, 2010 9:00 Written By The Undresser
Cumming too quick sucks (actually, cumming before she cums is a bad look). It doesn’t really matter with a one-timer, but if it’s with anyone you hope to have a continuous sexual relationship with, it can really have her looking at you like “Why do I even deal with this dude?”, especially if you’re like me and you don’t do anything else for/with her at all. I had a recent meet up on Belle Isle with on of my associates from the Eastside, and I fell victim to a quick shot. Not a good look.
I need to preface this one with some new information. I am done with women from the eastside of Detroit (with the exclusion of E. Jefferson, downtown, and E. Outer Drive). I have never met so many ghetto, hood-ratted out, dumb baby daddy, uncared for kid having women in my entire life. The bad have outweighed the good to a point where it’s not even worth the risk anymore. With that said, let’s move on.
I was on one of my eastside runs recently, so at the end of the trip, I called up one of my “fa sho’s”. She’s not paid or anything, but she doesn’t mind paying for something here and there. It was just a meet up to f**k, so I told her to meet me on Belle Isle on the strip. I called her well before I even got to the eastside because I know how slow and unpunctual women are, but somehow she still had me waiting over 15 minutes on Belle Isle for her. As soon as I backed up my car and started to leave, she calls me telling me she was there. Green Light.
We get in the back seat and she gets to work.
Non-stop head through most of “No Ceilings” mixtape. I was trying my best not to bust, but it was getting unbearable. Her slurp session was on point like never before. So before I blew it, I told her to stop so I could lay her down. I also took this opportunity to ask for a few hundred to pay for my books. I figured she’d probably give me $100 at the most, or probably just ignore my request all together, but to my surprise, she opened up that fake Gucci purse and peeled back $200 in Jacksons. She tossed the money on the front seat, made me lean back, and went right back to giving me some more head.
I’m back there, stretched out, dropping the camera and everything. She was almost as good with it as Jabs. It’s that head that a woman gives you that makes you want to just give her the very best of your stroke game, so with that, I laid her down again.
She rolled the condom down and I slid in…and, I don’t know what happened. About 5 strokes in, I could feel that time approaching. I managed to fight it off for about 45 seconds, but as soon as she said “oooooooh daddy,” it was a wrap. If only yall could have seen the look of disappointment on her face. I couldn’t do anything but laugh, embarrassed by what just happened.
But now that I look back at it, IT WAS ALL HER FAULT. That 35 minutes of head brought that on. It’s basically, from my end, like I was having sex for for 40 minutes, but of course, women don’t see it that way. She brought me up to the point that I was about to cum multiple times during oral sex; then I went right from that to her insides. That was a formula for disaster.
Here is an audio overview:
So ladies, if you give the dude head to the point he’s about to cum before intercourse, be prepared for such shortcomings as these. I’m curious though, how many of you ladies would have asked for your money back?
One of my other female associates told me for $200, I would have had to eat her box, have sex….have sex again…eat her box, then have sex again, she wants a minimum of 3 orgasms, and it damn sure wouldn’t be in the back seat of a car. Ah well, good luck with that Toya, lol.
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LovinDaReadz says:
January 25th, 2010 at 9:19 am
LMAOOO!!! Wow you’re seriously blamin’ that on her? WACK but anywho… I wouldn’t ask for the money back however we would def’ talk about a raincheck and make sure you come with your A game next time because that right there was just terrible. It’s funny but it’s also terrible. She wanted some undresser and only got the dressin’ lol
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ShakinMyHead says:
January 25th, 2010 at 9:21 am
NEXT………….Leave her alone
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coco says:
January 25th, 2010 at 9:45 am
i hope shes cuter than she sounds
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The Undresser Reply:
January 25th, 2010 at 9:57 am
yea she does sound pretty fucking hideous. I stopped talking to her for a minute just because of that. If her voice is a 4, her face is about a 6, and her ass is an 8.5. She’s definitely not one of the most attractive women I’ve messed with, but it’s overlooked for ass-to-waist ratio, head, and financial gain reasons.
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NeoReader Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:57 am
“overlooked for a*s -to waist ratio, head, and financial gain reasons” Are you serious….lol you are funny. Your the type of guy this country needs to have a positive affect of young black men…your parents must be so proud of their son.
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bestuheverhad@yahoo.com says:
January 25th, 2010 at 9:54 am
she sounds disgusting. I can’t believe you even let her put her mouth on your penis, wait, you let everyone put their mouth on your penis.
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Chocolatte says:
January 25th, 2010 at 10:26 am
i would’ve been upset.. i could careless about the money, its the d**k i care about. I would have to take a rain check and hope its not like that the next time.
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ShakinMyHead Reply:
January 25th, 2010 at 10:40 am
Exactly it sad to methat these women actually f**k with a guy that is openly hoeish that why std’s are at a all time high among african americans. Sad guess busting nuts and getting your titties sucked and dicks in your mouth of a guy you dont even know means more to them than their health. oh well.
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QueenT says:
January 25th, 2010 at 10:34 am
Was she paying you for your services? No money back even if its wack…thats her bad.
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Lesha says:
January 25th, 2010 at 10:39 am
lol @ u saying at the end how many of yall would have asked for the money back…. lol before i even read that i thought that you were going to say that she did ask for it back.
personally i would have never given you or anyone 200 dollars i work hard for my money.
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futurnflmom says:
January 25th, 2010 at 11:37 am
LOL @ THE FACT THAT YOU HAD “MAKE HER SAY” PLAYING WHIL GETTING “FACE TIME”…NOW FOR 1 I’M NOT GIVING A DUDE ANY MONEY UNLESS YOU’RE MY MAN, SO IN THAT INSTINCE SHE PLAYED HERSELF. 2. EVERYBODY LOVES FACE TIME, BUT W/ A MAN YOU HAVE TO KNOW HOW MUCH TO GIVE IF YOU STILL WANT HIM TO GIVE YOU” THE ROD OF COREECTIONS”, SO IN THAT INSTINCE SHE PLAYED HERSELF…& 3RD SHE SOUNDS LIKE A MAN & A RAT, I DON’T KNOW HOW YOUR D*&K STAYED HARD WITH HER SOUNDING LIKE THAT…BUT I’M GLAD YOU GOT THE MONEY FOR YOUR BOOKS
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BKBadAss says:
January 25th, 2010 at 1:32 pm
I want Best You Ever Had to please kill herself and move on to the after life cuz UH is enjoying his life after her.
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The Undresser Reply:
January 25th, 2010 at 2:07 pm
lol, no violence please.
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Poitree Reply:
January 25th, 2010 at 11:12 pm
I agree. Blog was down for how long? You KNOW she been checking back religiously too. LOL. Dah well. To each his or her own.
.
Dang uH. You keep women pressed don’t you? *smh* Foolishness.
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Amanda22 says:
January 25th, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Wow, do you have any goals in life that are not sexual? You have amibition for all the wrong things. Live ya life but dang at least act like sex isnt the only reason God should wake you up in the morning.
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iagree Reply:
January 25th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
that is what I’m wondering…
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Poitree Reply:
January 25th, 2010 at 11:16 pm
Of course the man has goals ladies! Unfortunately, he does not blog about those goals. If he did that, on top of blogging about the sex, all that would do was give him more ammo to blog about sex, because alot of women find ambition and drive sexy. And he’s definitely ambitious and very driven. He is one of the most intelligent men I know. If only he used that intelligence towards more beneficial issues. In his own time though, I suppose. He’ll get there one day. I have no doubt.
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Amanda22 Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:35 am
For his sake as a grown a** man who doesn’t get any younger, I hope he does get there. Though entertaining, this blog is definitely not an urban relationship site like I thought. It gives black men and women a bad name. It just seems that no one has any moral intelligence in these stories.
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Amanda22 Reply:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:41 am
Yeah sure..for his sake as a grown a** man who is not getting any younger I hope he does get there. I am new to this site and this is definitely not an “urban relationship” blog like I thought It’s more of an attempt to encourage the already stereotypical idea that black men and women are careless reckless people who at times are only interested in getting their next nut or orgasm.
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WILLIAM H. Reply:
February 11th, 2010 at 12:20 am
SMH YO ITS A BLOG ABOUT SEX! IF IT WAS ABOUT HIS GOALS IN LIFE NOBODY WOLD BE ON THIS s**t HAHAHA…USE YALL BRAIN SOMETIME..
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Amanda22 says:
January 25th, 2010 at 2:33 pm
Oh, head and sex sorry.lol
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hisSweestestdream says:
January 25th, 2010 at 2:56 pm
LMAO…GOOD JOB UH!
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ClosetFreak says:
January 25th, 2010 at 4:19 pm
I can’t believe she gave you $200. I need money for school too. I need to meet this girl. If she’s into having her box licked by a female I need to get her number haha.
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ManillaNicky says:
January 25th, 2010 at 4:42 pm
Um I’m not hating on u, do you & to each it’s own but this b***h actually gave u money to f**k her???????????????? Wow…. If I ever did that, I would jus go home and suit up and go play in traffic cuz that sound like some slow s**t lol
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anarchist. says:
January 25th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Weeeeeell, If you want to get technical, bad sex isn’t really a good reason for her to ask for her money back. Unless, of course, she was paying for sex.
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MissPinkLady says:
January 25th, 2010 at 7:59 pm
Damn she coughed up $200 and didnt cum. I would have took my money back, lol. SIKE!! I would have never gave it out in the first place, lol. *serious face*
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MissPinkLady says:
January 25th, 2010 at 8:01 pm
Oh wait just listened to the audio, she sounds like Fantasia!!
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covet says:
January 25th, 2010 at 8:35 pm
I want my money back! lol that was awful….ugh and she sounds like she smokes everyday…sounds like a hoarse slut bag…damn why, why do you f**k these women? lol.
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Miss Haneefa says:
January 25th, 2010 at 10:28 pm
Why did she give you money again? BEST UH EVER HAD needs to G-O! #FAIL
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Sheera says:
January 26th, 2010 at 7:16 am
If she gave you head for that long she did it because she enjoyed it … and was making a bad decision in regards to her own orgasm. Oh well, guess she’ll have to shoot for the next time … though she could’ve suggested y’all wait a bit for a 2nd go (closed mouths don’t get fed … or orgasms, as the case may be).
She was stupid to give you money … more power to you for asking – I repeat, closed mouths don’t get fed.
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Avah Royal says:
January 26th, 2010 at 1:50 pm
LMAO! I cannot believe you think it’s HER FAULT! WTF!?
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Misstiffc says:
January 26th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
She sounds lovely! Smh
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TheEpitomeOfBeauty says:
January 28th, 2010 at 1:22 am
Wish I WOULD come outta pocket for a dude & his sex. I refuse to believe there’s any sex in the world THAT d**n good! Pshh. She must be extremely desperate…or BALLIN!! One of the two lol. But hey…if thats what she likes..!!
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Epiphany143 says:
February 2nd, 2010 at 5:47 pm
FUCKERY!
@TheEpitomeOfBeauty i agre.
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WILLIAM H. says:
February 11th, 2010 at 12:21 am
WOMEN WOULD GOOD HEAD USUALLY UNDERSTAND THEY s**t MAY CAN CAUSE A QUICK NUT HAHAHA
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