Can I Get A Substituion?
I must be really out of touch with the 2009 concept of marriage. For the second time in a month, I heard about one person of an unhappy couple getting their spouse to agree that they should have sex with other people. What THE fuck? I’m not even married and I seem to take marriage more seriously than some of these people out here.
Yesterday I was listening to Michael Baisden and they were discussing the fact that so many women (over 50%) have never achieved an orgasm. Oprah also did a show on the same thing. Now I realize why women go so crazy for a man that can make them cum, but like all the experts have said, it has less to do about the man and more about the lack of knowledge a woman can have about her own body. In the words of one doctor, “be comfortable at home before you start inviting people over.”
So a lady calls in and said she and her husband have been married for 15 years or so. They haven’t had sex in 13. 13 YEARS. He doesn’t have erectile dysfunction. He doesn’t have any medical problems. They went to counseling. She bought sex books, guides, toys, and even a swing. NONE OF IT WORKED. So she decided she need a dude on the side.
What’s worst is that her husband AGREED TO IT. “I can’t or don’t want to fuck my wife, so here my dude……you do it.” What in the world is this about? I haven’t seen a picture of his wife, but if you can’t get it up for your wife, you shouldn’t have married her. Was she burned or something? I don’t know.
Freak case? nope. I saw the same thing on Divorce Court a few weeks ago. Only this time, it was the man who was sleeping with other women. On top of that, he asked his wife sign a contract saying he could sleep with other women….AND SHE DID IT. All in preservation of their bullshit front, marriage.
Personally, I don’t believe in divorce, but I haven’t been married to test out what I say. Unless there is adultery or abuse (especially physical) of course. The solution to staying married though is NOT telling your spouse to go ahead and get some on the side. What part of the game is this?
Do any of yall think you could make an arrangement similar to this?
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Author: The Undresser
Black, Single, and Not Looking. Enjoys grilled salmon, cold glasses of water, and grocery shopping at Meijer. Likes women with nice ass to waist ratios, Reese Cups, and watching Real Time with Bill Maher. Dislikes cigarettes, littering, and disobedient children.
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20 Comments
7/24/2009
the problem is peoplt dont take the time out to think things thru before they make all these rash decisions. at the end of the day if that other person is not whats making your days..better yet your life a better experience, you shouldnt be with them. that includes sex. theres a difference between not wanting to have sex, and just not wanting to have sex with that particular person. i dont know about the rest of the world, but i can love a person till im blue in the face, if they cant, wont, or dont want to please me in more ways than one, then theres no marriage. that person doenst complete me no will they compliment me, therefore the "marriage, part is pointless.
but as you know things thru out time definately change, having an open marriage may be the new black in america. who knows. i know this wont be trent i follow suit to.
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7/24/2009
So they only had sex for 2 years? Did they say why they stopped having sex? That is so odd.
I am not really surprised that they made an arraignment. I think that probably happens more than we think. Some people like being married even if the sex life sucks. It sounds like that's what's going on here. I personally couldn't feel comfortable sharing my spouse with someone else.
I hope they will find another counselor or something. If they already have 15 years invested its worth at least trying to save it. Anyway it all sounds so sad.
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7/24/2009
No sex in 13yrs? what’s the point? Not that sex is the reason to get married but it sure as hell helps. And yeah, open relationships may be part of the underground norm as people/couples try to fit into a mold society has placed on them. Personally it isn’t for me, I don’t share well with others
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7/24/2009
When I take that vow before God to be with my husband and ONLY my husband then, that is how it will remain until death do us part. I take marriage very seriously which is why I can honestly say I probably won't do it. But, I'm hella young so, my cynical view on marriage will change. However no, I will not have this type of arrangement. Marriage is a sacred thing to be highly valued and cherished, most people don't see it like that anymore.
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7/24/2009
Marriage is meant to be spiritual, a relationship between two people and God. When you don't believe in God and instill those beliefs in a marriage then your marriage doesn't mean anything anymore. Open marriages, fornication, adultery, smh. Like Feds said a lot of people don't value and cherish marriage anymore.
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July 24th, 2009 at 9:13 pm
but see, that's the Christian way of happiness (which is the right way). But there are couples who both don't even believe in God, and are still married, and VERY HAPPY. They don't cheat, they don't abuse eachother, they just don't believe in God. So do you have to believe in God for your marriage to work? Nope. For your soul……that's another thing.
Either way, they're tripping. Marriage is joke in American society. People get married just to put a front out there. You're not even a "man" in society until you have a wife and kids. My grandma told me "its better to be married than to burn." Burning from the desire to have sex, so as to say, if you want to have sex that bad, get married. WHICH MAKES NO DAMN SENSE TO ME.
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July 25th, 2009 at 12:36 am
How do you know they don't cheat, abuse each other while not believing in God? Your the main one always talking about women not knowing what they men do. I agree with your grandma too, lol.
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7/24/2009
That is a damn shame…..but i have seen that alot……especially with NBA players and their wives…….i know a couple of women who have a agreement with their NBA husbands that they can sleep around………my opinion on it is that marriage is a very serious thing and a lot of people are just getting married for the hell of it or because its the right thing to do…….and not for the proper reasons……..i think marriage is just the thing to do for a lot of people these days…….like since all their friends are doing it…….then they want to do and do it even bigger……just to show off……..and i wouldnt have no agreement to sleep around because i really do take marriage seriously………and if or when i do i want it to be forever……..and only be with my husband…….
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7/25/2009
Well I think some people just find it easier agree to sleep around since they had intentions of doing it anyway. It's easier than stress and anxiety of sneaking around, I guess. It really sucks, there is no respect for "holy matrimony" anymore.
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7/25/2009
I'm 26, husband 27. We've been together for 10 years, married for 2. We are very happy with our life in general and the sex is bananas, however, we have had a 3'som amongst other things. My marriage vows, in my mind, have nothing to do with my sex life. I'm committed to him 200%. If either one of us have any doubts or hang-ups about what's going on then we don't do it. He is my best friend, our relationship is so far beyond jealousy, and insecurity. This allows us to be open to explore whatever with each other. This is our definition of our marriage…to each it's own.
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7/25/2009
I think everyone should try using sex toys to enhance their intimacy.
http://www.sexytoyproducts.com
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7/25/2009
Hmmm. PERSONALLY I believe people these days just get married just because it's the right thing to do according to soceity, get married reproduce blah de blah, but then society has gone and implied that it's ok to commit adultry and all kinds of other crazy things, that a person wouldn't do if they were TRUELY commited to another person. I suppose it's just one of those each to their own situations. Everyone is going to have different boundaries and to what extent they can be crossed.
There will be none of that shit happening in my marriage. IF I get married.
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7/26/2009
Marriage to me is the union of a MAN and a WOMAN for the REST of their lives. I don't agree with the idea of divorce and I could never see myself having one either…one you become married to someone, you are ONE with that person forever. Til death do you fuckin part. Once you're married, you're one…a couple…a family…a body. If somethings is wrong with your body, lets say your arm, are you gonna cut it off and move on with life? No…your fix it, let it heal and keep on bout your shit. A marriage should be the same thing. If somethings wrong with your marriage, you fix it, let it heal, figure out what the fuck went wrong so you could try and prevent future cases and you move on…you don't look for other outlets outside the marriage to help you deal. I could never look to another man for him to complete the job that my husband is supposed to be doing. Call me old fashioned I guess.
Marriage will be & forever will be the union of a man and a woman…fuck 'times are changing'…fuck divorce…fuck all this new shit. Our problem today is that we're too accepting of new things or things that are changing that its getting to the point of that one thing becoming the new norm. (Ex.- divorce, homosexuality, teens having babies…)
Like Uh said, with the acception of abuse or infidelity, divorce should never be an option. If people actually took their time to see if this person is someone they could really be with forever before they got married, the likelihood of divorce would be slim to none.
Idk.
Maybe its just me…
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7/27/2009
It's nice to see that many still believe in marriage & commitment. Unfortunately I had to get a divorce to keep my sanity. It's devestating when someone marries you without realizing that it means that your supposed to have an unbreakable bond , that your actually supposed to be the top priority for that person and vice versa. I was naive and thought that love was enough , but it's not. So make sure you get with someone that will forsake all others for you and will be willing to work on the issues that come up otherwise you will be divorced too!
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7/27/2009
I agree with what your saying but at the same time you said you don't believe in divorce( I dont either) So you and I have a difficult decision to make, do we stay in unhappy marriages out of repect fo the committment that we made to our spouse or do we get a divorce. Hopefully we'll never have to make that choice.
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7/31/2009
I have been married for almost 4 years now and it is work! My husband and I both were unprepared for the amount of change that we have experienced. Not having sex for 13 years is extreme. Something happened previously to make both members of the marraige feel like that is okay. Bottom line marraige (and love as well) is a choice. You have to wake up each morning and decide to remain committed to your spouse. These feelings do not just spontaneously appear. You don’t get married and suddenly all relationship problems are solved or suddenly everyone but your spouse seems unattractive. The key is to put God in the center and make sure that each partner’s needs are being met on EVERY level including the physical one and the marraige will work.
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8/1/2009
I’m turned off by the fact that some people seem to think you have to work through “all of your problems” in a marriage. NO YOU DON’T. When that other person commit adultery, it’s OK to leave them. Fuck divorce rates, fuck what your congregation thinks, fuck what people say about black families staying together. If your dude is beating you, fuck counseling. There are some things that you just gotta say “this is not the person I went before God with to live with forever………I’m leaving”…….and that’s fine. People brag about 40 yrs of marriage and you’d be shocked to hear of all the shit they put up with from their partners….that ain’t marriage, that’s sticking to a contract.
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August 2nd, 2009 at 11:04 am
Sometimes people can work through those type of things but if it’s physical abuse and adultery on a consistent basis then yes you should leave, but people make mistakes and to just leave after one incident isn’t saying how much you care about your marriage imo, and you could argue committing adultery isn’t caring much either but we’re human beings and I feel you should at least work toward repentance and showing forgiveness before you just up and leave.
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August 3rd, 2009 at 9:06 am
nah, you can save that one Angel. There’s some stuff I’m not coming back to you after. What if she stabs me? gives me an STD? throws all of my shoes out the window? lol. A man can only take so much.
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8/3/2009
To me marriage is a soul to soul heart to heart thing. You should be married not only to your best friend but to my lover. Once your married you belong to each other. When a husband or wife sleeps with someone who is not their spouse it is adultery point, blank, period.
The day I find out my husband is sleeping with someone else because he’s not statisfied or whatever that’s the day I’m puttin my white tee-shirt and tennis on becuase it gonna be ON. He had better not even ASK me about sleeping with someone else. If a marriage is unbearable then I believe the couple should pray over it. Whatever God tells you to do, do it. If the whole sex thing can’t transcend being in love then maybe your not meant to be married in the first place. The Bible said people should get married so as not to burn (with lust), so obviously being sexually gratified with each other is part of being married. Marriage is a commitment of your life to someone else, and they commit their life to you. I’m not married so I can’t really say whats right or wrong. I’m just giving my opinion.
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