Smiles is Possessed By Sex Demons

Smiles and I have known eachother for a few years now, most recently taking a 12-month break from one another due to her latest ex-”boyfriend.” Now that she’s gotten rid of him, we’ve temporarily resumed our “situation.” I took her out to an overly expensive dinner for her birthday at They Say (which ended up costing way too much money because they wouldn’t accept my coupon from restaurant.com), and we weren’t able to…finish the date correctly because she was bleeding to death. Well, she invited me over to her cousins house to makeup for that night and by the time I left, I’d experienced the not so smiley side of Smiles…

Due to the recent absence of some of my more well-liked female acquaintances (and perhaps their permanent exits from my life), I’ve had to re-up a few times within the last few weeks. I’ve met and dismissed a dozen women or vise versa, felt up a few new ones who I’ll never talk to again, and potentially seriously connected with one new graduate student and a former A-Team member. During this, roster update, I came across Smiles on my boy’s Facebook friends list, so I decided to reach out and we ended up going to dinner.

A few days later, I received a text:

Blah, blah, blah, “let’s fuck.” Well atleast that’s what I got from it. Green Light.

I’m headed to the west side of Detroit, to meet Smiles at her cousin’s house. Her cousin oddly lives directly across the street from some 40-yr old lady I messed with back in 2009 (the blog got lost during a server crash). When I got to the door, she was on the porch waiting to greet me with a hug before we went in. I came in and the first thing I noticed was…

There’s enough liquor in this house for 10 New Year’s Eve parties. Well, maybe 5 knowing how some of you drink. After concluding that her cousin probably robbed a liquor store, I was greeted by her cousin’s boyfriend, who greatly resembles Cole from Martin. We joked about Smiles watching The Food Network all day, until her very attractive cousin came downstairs. I was secretly hoping to myself that I hadn’t previously slept with her, which was correct.

Once they left, Smiles and I headed up to the bedroom. A few minutes into watching Jersey Shore, she abruptly pulled out my dick from my boxers and began making my un-excited penis disappear in her mouth. A few oral magic tricks in, I noticed she was being a bit more energetic than usual with her technique, but it wasn’t just with her mouth, she couldn’t sit still. Her body was all over the place and she was making me kind of nervous, so I grabbed a condom and told her to play with clit before I slid in.

We’re about 15 minutes in, a few different positions crossed out, and this is where things are getting weird. I started going hard and she started biting my arm, well more like nibbling. That was ok, until her hand found it’s way to the front of my neck.  I hit her with the what the fuck face and held her hands down firmly on the bed. When I finally let her hands go, she slapped me. Red light.

Stop the fucking presses. This bitch just slapped me. I instinctively smacked her back, but I’m not an everyday slapper, so I couldn’t really slap her, it was more like my hand pushed her face. When I looked down at her, her eyes were…gone. Ok, maybe they weren’t, but have you ever looked at someone who was looking at you, but not looking at you? Exactly. She never kept trying to push me inside of her during all of this, so I shook it off and went back to stroking.

5 minutes later, she slapped me again. It didn’t hurt, but I had to check this like the bad behavior of a toddler, before she thought this was going to be a staple of our sexual encounters. If this is how she gets her rocks off, she’s going to have to find another cliff. Out of confusion and frustration, I said, “Bitch, what the fuck is wrong with you?” For some reason, she felt disrespected and snapped back, “Who the fuck are you calling a bitch?” For some reason (I guess it’s not such a mystery anymore), I was turned on by this harsh tone, so we continued to exchange insults until I was so hard inside of her, I was on the verge of busting my nut. She also made me aware that she hated me as I pushed inside of her walls, which is strange because that usually only happens with Bubbles or Bumble Bee when we’re making love. It’s that “I hate you” that women give you that’s really saying, “I really wish the sex wasn’t so good, so I could stop fucking with you.”

Then we watched more Jersey Shore…and did it all over again, only this time, I made sure I hit it from the back so we wouldn’t have any more potential situations that would land me in jail.

I wish I would have been thinking enough to record her sexual turrets, but it never crossed my mind. I don’t know if her and I are sexually compatible anymore though, not to mention she has a ridiculously attractive group of friends that I need to interact with.

Ladies, have you ever physically abused a dude during sex? Fellas, has it happened to you? How did you respond?

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Author: The Undresser

Black, Single, and Not Looking. Enjoys grilled salmon, cold glasses of water, and grocery shopping at Meijer. Likes women with nice ass to waist ratios, Reese Cups, and watching Real Time with Bill Maher. Dislikes cigarettes, littering, and disobedient children.

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