Dude, We Are Not Friends
“I hand picked you, you think sensibly/ they friends with you, don’t need em’ to be friends with me” – Joe Budden
I’m not a people person. You know that guy that steps in a room and everyone likes him, I’m not him. I don’t think I’m better than niggas, I just don’t know how to hide that I am. If you know one of my niggas, you’re just a nigga that knows one of my niggas, you’re still not my nigga. With that said, I’ll say what’s up, just nothing else. Women often ask me, “so what do you and your boys do?”, I quickly answer, “women.”
I’m laying in the bed with somebody’s girlfriend, watching NBA on TNT. She asked me if I was hungry and after I said yes, she proceeded to make a phone call to her sister, who was upstairs entertaining her company.
The three of them are all friends. The girls sister looks better than the girl I was there to see, so perhaps I’m going into this just a tad bit jealous…or greedy…pick your poison. Her pretty ass yellow sister came down stairs looking as good as I don’t know what, in gym shorts and a wife beater. I tried to be somewhat respectful and act like I was super focused on the Nuggets game, but I managed to take sufficient glances in her direction every 10 seconds or so. Once I jumped in the conversation about what to order, here comes this Alonzo Mourning looking dude hovering over her. Great, now I can’t even look at her anymore.
I put my full attention back into the basketball game and try to ignore them, but of course “Lonzo” had to speak to me, “Man we can’t let them talk to us like that?”, he said. “Us? they’re talking to you,” I responded. The girl I was with elbowed me under the cover. He proceeded to ask me, “you want chicken or pizza?” At this point, I’m looking at the girl in the bed next to me like, why is this nigga talking to me? If Star was there, she’d say I was being petty. I didn’t answer the dudes question, which signaled ol’ girl to answer for me, he’s crazy for chicken. For some odd reason, the two sisters got up and went to the kitchen while I laid in the bed, and the other dude stood in the doorway. This was a very awkward moment. Frankly, I found it gay. I’m in the bed, butt ass naked, under the cover, and there’s a 6’7 dude in the doorway…it’s looking like a gay rape scene in a movie.
“What’s up man? My bad, I’m *whatever his name was*”, he said like he was breaking the ice. This is gay. The girl I was there with doesn’t even know my name, so I definitely wasn’t about bond with this nigga. “Gucci,” I responded. I’m sure his facial expression probably read, “this nigga“, but I didn’t look his way to see. I felt like a girl being annoyed by a nigga at the club. No homo. What made this worst is that I couldn’t move. Had I been dressed, I would have simply gotten up and walked out of the room.
“Yo, go see what they’re doing,” I suggested to him, but this nigga didn’t leave. “I already know what they doing. nothing.” This shit was getting out of control. I picked up my phone and called ol’ girl, but her phone was still in the room with us. I finally just told the nigga, “aye, close that door.” Thankfully, he closed it and left, instead of closing it and coming in, in which case I would have had to defend my manhood by any means necessary killed him.
All of this took place within 2 or 3 minutes, but it seemed like an hour. Finally the girl I was kicking it with came back, but I was already dressed. I couldn’t help but think this was some type of sick setup and I wanted no parts of it. I left, before getting my free pizza I may add, but the entire situation was weird.
This isn’t some profound insight, maybe I’m just weird, but talking to a dude who is naked in the bed is disrespectful. It’s like talking to a dude while he taking a piss.
Was I tripping or was he being…gay?
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Author: The Undresser
Black, Single, and Not Looking. Enjoys grilled salmon, cold glasses of water, and grocery shopping at Meijer. Likes women with nice ass to waist ratios, Reese Cups, and watching Real Time with Bill Maher. Dislikes cigarettes, littering, and disobedient children.
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16 Comments
1/17/2011
That was a crazy situation. I would just told dude : yo can you step out while I get dressed or soemthing.
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January 17th, 2011 at 10:53 am
you know what, that’s not a bad idea, why didn’t I think of that? lol.
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1/17/2011
that was so suspect. ain’t no way around it. i don’t to dudes i don’t know like that either.
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1/17/2011
Lmao, i dont think it was THAT serious, i believe you were rude, to begin with.
If you made him understand that you didnt want him in there in a way similar to what Terrell suggested, you would’ve probably avoided the awkward moment.
But i’m not trying to blame you, he was a little over the top too, being around you like that while you were naked. Maybe he didn understand you were? *shrugs*
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1/17/2011
lmao (in class)@…”it’s looking like a gay rape scene in a movie.AND I would have had to defend my manhood by any means necessary killed him.”….YOU HAVE SO MANY ISSUES. where you touched in appropriately as a kid? understandable awkward but holy. i think you where having a case of IMS. its okay that time of the month happens to us all.
[Reply]
January 17th, 2011 at 12:37 pm
Thankfully, God didn’t ever let that happen to me, however, I was touched inappropriately by a girl in my 2nd grade class. I guess she was just learning what footsie was…and didn’t know you had to actually take off your shoe first. In short, she kicked my dick.
@Ri, you have class on MLK day?
Contrary to popular assumption, I have never been molested, raped, cheated on (to my knowledge), mistreated, or really done wrong by anyone, including women. I’ve been fortunate and blessed enough that most of my shortcomings, stupid ways, and lack of overall greatness come from me just being…lazy and over analytic.
[Reply]
1/17/2011
LOL Your homophobia is hyperbolic at this point. I think you’re definitely over reacting. Sure the guy may have been a little pushy and A LOT weird but there’s no need to assume he’s gay. Seems to me like he was just trying to be friendly. Maybe overly so.
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1/17/2011
Ummm I consider mmyself a friendly guy, but I pay atention to a persons body language and quirks much like a situation like this. He was a little too firendly from the way you tell it.
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January 17th, 2011 at 2:59 pm
Sorry for the spelling on this!
[Reply]
1/17/2011
LOL
Maybe the dude had a lack of friends and was trying to gain new ones,
but it is kinda weird that he would stand in front of the doorway for
some type of convo while your half naked.Sounds suspect….
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1/17/2011
Hands down it was gay. It wasn’t like you were in a communal area such as the living room or kitchen. When your girl that you came to see left he should have moved as well.
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1/19/2011
lolll Boy you’re tripping lollll Breath In Breath Out…NOt everyone is trying to get a bite
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1/20/2011
“Thankfully, he closed it and left, instead of closing it and coming in”…. lol, that’d been hilarious if he did X03!
I’m not saying it’s not understandable, but I’d say you were overreacting. I’m surprised you didn’t just tell the man “I’m kinda feeling uncomfortable with you standing right there while I don’t have any clothes on”. He may have been offended, but at least he could have known your intentions(or assumptions) instead of thinking you’re some arrogant prick or whatnot.
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2/9/2011
I don’t think you were overreacting. That was weird. That dude was a lil strange.
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February 10th, 2011 at 8:18 am
Well he DOES have the hotter girl.
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2/18/2011
I couldn’t help but laugh loudly while reading this. While I do agree that he was being kinda weird seeing as how you had already given him enough clues to know that male bonding was out of the question it kinda seemed like he was pushing it or trying to see what was up with you….(shrugs) he could be bi.
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