Dating Outside Of Your Religion
There are thousands of women on facebook and twitter at this very second who would consider themselves to be Christians. Their list of demands in a man often include being handsome, educated, tall, **insert complexion here**, honest, financially stable, and faithful. Faithful, now there’s a loaded word. Faithful to whom and/or what? I’d assume, probably correctly, that they mean faithful in the relationship that the man shares with the woman. Why not faithful to God? Wouldn’t a person who is faithful to God be faithful to you by default? The truth is, most people don’t even believe in their own religion.
theUNDRESSER factoid: I don’t believe in religion. Pause. I did not say I didn’t believe in God, I said I don’t believe in religion. Religions are man made. Races are man made. There are over 30,000 different denominations of Christianity in the world. 30,000. Interpretation is LIFE. That leads me to believe that everytime someone doesn’t agree with something they read in one religion, they make a new one. I’m so appalled. Word to Kanye.
Would you continue to pursue a romantic relationship with a person that you found out does not believe in your God?
It’s a cool night in Detroit. I’m accompanied by a beautiful woman into a small, yet inviting poetry spot on the city’s Eastside. Inside, I’m greeted by those both young and old. People with vocabularies and thought processes that the niggas on my block couldn’t fathom. “WE ARE TERRORIST,” they yelled during a poem. See, you’re scared already. Niggas hear shit; I hark. My attention span is so small because…you ain’t really talking about shit. If you thought the simple thought of my next threesome controlled my mental state, you’re dumber than your facebook statuses suggest. But when I’m locked in, the remote control is broken. Pause.
As I listen to each poet release their emotions to the small group before them, I grew mentally excited. Then, she stood up. Her dressed hugged tightly. We often speak of thickness as “a body carved by God”, as if God didn’t enjoy creating that white girl with no butt across the room just as much. Ignorance. I’ll just say, I liked what I saw. Men stared, women stared. I sat up on the stool ready to support whatever came out of her mouth, or so I thought.
She spoke audibly. She’s not shy, maybe nervous. Paying close attention, I now have the computing power of a quad-core processor. I’m in the matrix. I see the words she recites off the screen of her cellphone in the air like it’s a comic book. “Closer to God than you,” she says. Stop. I sit up further. Mind open. She starts over. At this point I realize that she is not the Christian that my grandma is. Wait, she’s not a Christian at all.
Oh Christians, so fake, so fake. Not fake because the belief Christ is fake. Fake because. Shit, how can you claim to believe in something that you never challenge? Challenge God, NO. Challenge interpretation. Challenge what a man tells you is fact. Read something else for goodness sake. You can’t tell a Muslim or a Buddhist that they are WRONG if you’ve never even read what they believe is right. This is why religious institutions made your pastor read the Bible and the Qur’an.
Self examination. I’m sorry my thoughts race quickly. How dare you, I, have the audacity for criticizing someone for believing in a God that you’re, I mean I’m, not faithful to? How? I’m not dealing with anyone who doesn’t honor my mother and respect the fact that she is my mother, even if I’m the most disobedient child ever. You will respect that I love my mother. You will respect that I love my God, rather you understand how that is possible when I’ve fornicated more times than your entire congregation or not. With that said, if you don’t believe in my God, I don’t believe in you. I don’t believe in us.
The key to me is God. See, when I become the right man for my future wife, it will be because I’ve became a representative of God. Of course, I will still sin. But a pure heart goes a LONG WAY. Love goes a long way. I want the love my wife has for me to come from what she’s learned from God. How to treat a man who is worthy of being treated correctly. How to support that man, how to be submissive to that man, and how to check that man. I don’t want her guide to be Steve Harvey’s book, datingblackmen.com, or her mom, who is single with 5 kids. Why? God knows how to treat me.
We could never be the same now. Thoughts can make or break erections, ask Elle. I’m scared, worried, and concerned that the poem she just recited will be the end of us. You ever felt like when you were doing something wrong it was like “fuck God”? Well if I’m fucking someone who doesn’t even believe in God, that’s like a big middle finger to the sky…atleast mentally. theUNDRESSER is the man that has stopped having sex, mid-stroke, because the girl screamed out “o’ God.” theUNDRESSER is the man that went soft when a gospel song popped into his head for no reason at all. If that Bible is visible in the hotel room, there will be NO SEX. YUP. IKR. Word to Lina. Before I rush to action, I get in the car and ask her, “wait, wait, do you believe in Jesus?” She laughs. Ain’t shit funny. She went on to explain, but my mind was blocking it out. I just asked her for the name. What could I put in my google search bar to learn more information?
My uncle practices Islam, or so he says. But his baby mommas are all Christians. Wait, my uncle other uncle is a Christian and his 4 baby mommas are all Christians too. Which is worse? Wait, Islam says that a man can marry a Christian woman but a muslim woman can’t marry a Christian man? Religion, I tell you.
Would you continue to pursue a romantic relationship with a person that you found out does not believe in your God?
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Author: The Undresser
Black, Single, and Not Looking. Enjoys grilled salmon, cold glasses of water, and grocery shopping at Meijer. Likes women with nice ass to waist ratios, Reese Cups, and watching Real Time with Bill Maher. Dislikes cigarettes, littering, and disobedient children.
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24 Comments
10/16/2010
I can’t expect a man to understand and appreciate me if he’s not a Christian. Christianity is so interwoven in me despite my foul mouthed, judgmental, fornicating, secular music loving, go to church once or twice a month self. I sin. Undoubtedly. But to blatantly set myself up to love and possibly marry a man when I KNOW it’s not ordained or a blessed union is counter-productive to my life. Loving me includes loving my God.
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October 16th, 2010 at 5:17 pm
That’s interesting. And a bit of a contradiction. How can you want a man to love you, including loving your God, when by your own admission, you aren’t doing things that God does not approve of?
I’m playing devil’s advocate here. I asked similar questions to UH before this blog was even posted, so I’m not “picking on” you or anyone else. And I’m not being judgmental. I just want people to seriously consider the words they are saying. You want someone who respects your God when you don’t respect him enough to do the things he’s called for ALL of us to do.
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October 16th, 2010 at 6:01 pm
this was absolutely well said. I agree 100% K.
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October 16th, 2010 at 6:27 pm
Contradictory? Absolutely. When I attend and participate in church, my spirit feels convicted. I know my life is not as it should be in relation to my religion…and yet there is a part of me, however small it may be, that hopes that one day when I’m ready I’ll transition. That I’ll commit to God and worship and respect him the way He wants me to.
At the same time, I know that if and when that transition comes I will not be able to be committed to a man of wayward faith. I cannot submit to a Muslim/Jew/Atheist the way my God specifies I should therefore, I shouldn’t be with them. The loss of a common religion in a relationship leads to more disorder, friction, and conflict than usual which in turn makes an already delicate balance all the more precarious.
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October 17th, 2010 at 8:33 pm
well said K, well said.
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10/16/2010
Believing in God and living a righteous life are two different things.
Someone who blatantly disregards God is, to me, unattractive and a deal-breaker if i happen to be getting to know someone. While someone living a righteous life isn’t a deal-breaker.
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October 16th, 2010 at 11:20 pm
someone not living*
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10/17/2010
nope. Couldn’t do it. I’m not saying an athiest is a bad person, but belief in a higher spiritual power indicates a humility and self awarness that is incomparable to any other character trait. In my experience, every athiest I have come in contact with has been cocky, condescending, and self entitled- which is annoying as hell ( not to mention, no better than self- righteous religious types). A man’s belief in something greater than himself shows me that he has the capacity to love purely and fully… Even when it doesn’t make sense.
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10/17/2010
Atheist people are not bad people, I just don’t think I could SERIOUSLY make any of them my mate. I can date them and have fun, but it’s important to me that a guy I get serious with believes in something; and I don’t mean things involving Satanism. Why not Satanism and it’s derivatives, because they believe in negative actions and their lack of morals annoy me; less to do with believing in the Devil.
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October 17th, 2010 at 1:13 pm
Sounds slow, I know, but I’ve researched “religions” the last 13 years. Just about half my years on earth, so I’m more open minded to people and why they believe or why it’s the one they’re used to and adapt as their own. Even though I believe wholehearted of my religion, does not mean I knock another. If I’m invited to someone’s church, I tend to go. I support them! Which is better then what most their friends do THAT SHARE THEIR RELIGION.
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October 17th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
But we’re are just about the same with different names and different occurrences of the history, but I feel we’re not so far off from each other. What has us separated are names, titles, and the scared factor they teach if you go outside of your religion to hang with those unlike your own religion. What cracks me up the most is when I’m cool with someone and they recognize my character and tell me I’m better then most chicks they run into…
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October 17th, 2010 at 1:15 pm
…as far as how I treat a guy and my daughter and my devotion level and they enjoy that I’m not so “stereotypical”, soon as they find out my religion (which they have NO knowledge of) they scream foul. It’s like some green light in their head just turned red. Then they wanna fuss about how the bible says this and that when half the things they say they’re only heard in church and the bible NEVER mentioned 95% of the stuff they say. Though further then that, how come I have moreso upheld your religions’ standards BETTER THEN YOU HAVE? Cracks me up every time!
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October 17th, 2010 at 8:05 pm
Well damn @ gravatar lol
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October 17th, 2010 at 1:27 pm
So that’s just what cracks me up, but eventually once we have a discussion where they’re actually wiling to listen to what I believe in, etc. then things work out. It’s those utterly closed minded ones that end up having me wanna kick them in the forehead and expose their third eye. I’ve ran into that once and we talk every full moon, but it totally baffles him that when he sends out a mass text about him performing at his church whether singing, mime, or acting in a play..I buy tickets and show up! And he’s fully aware I’m not interested in him anymore, but it doesn’t stop him for asking for another chance. No thanx! You couldn’t respect my faith. Not asking you to believe in it, but respect that I do.
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10/17/2010
I didn’t say athiests were all bad people, either. I said in MY EXPERIENCE the ones I’ve come in contact with were annoying (with regard to their beliefs). I’m not into qualifying people with ambiguous and biased words like “bad” and “good”.
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October 18th, 2010 at 2:53 pm
Hey Hun. I wasn’t talking about you saying you said they were. I read you say that they aren’t. I was just speaking from my brain at the time. HUGS!
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10/17/2010
I have friends that are a variety of religions & denominations whom I have excellent relationships with. I don’t think i’d have an issue dating someone outside my religion as long as their core beliefs/morals line up with mine .
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October 18th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
LOL! Thanx for liking my gravatar
! I can dig that@core beliefs/morals line up with yours!
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10/19/2010
Honestly, as someone who just might as well be an agnostic/atheist, life is fucking hard.
The contractions that i’ve experience have freed me from a religious context of having to feel like i’m violating a law or principle
Dating wise it sucks because so many people are just blind followers that don’t challenge themselves to think outside of who they are and how they relate to others. Its really frustrating.
I can’t help feeling the way I do. I would love to be a religious person. I want to fit in. I really do, but I can’t. It doesn’t feel right. I fel like I don’t fit in. I almost understand what it feels like being gay and being in the closet. Having to think you’re an outcast for something you really can’t help.
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10/19/2010
I was dating this one chick…..DAMN….probably THE BADDEST B*ITCH I have ever messed with.
THE BADDEST, I say again. Hair, body, eyes, life…everything was on point. I wanted to wife this chick instantly.
Then we are talking one day and we get into religion. Her upbringing was mixed; she was exposed to Christianity, Judaism, and some Islam. She said (and I quote): “But that Jesus Christ shit, I can’t believe in that”.
In the instant after she said that — and I swear it couldn’t have been more than one or two seconds — I LOST ALL RESPECT FOR AND INTEREST IN HER. We were done. I’m a Christian, believe in God and Jesus, and would like for my future wife to be on the same page.
So with that said, I would casually mess around with someone that was not my religion but that mess would go nowhere in the long run.
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October 19th, 2010 at 8:51 pm
ouch at “Jesus Christ ****” . Wow, can you curse Jesus’s name though? smh.
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October 21st, 2010 at 4:10 am
You can if you don’t believe Jesus is God; and from my understanding of the Trinity that is how Christians believe … someone correct me if I’m wrong.
Also, even if a person doesn’t believe the same old girl was MAD disrespectful of another person’s religious/spiritual beliefs & IMO it’d probably translate to most other areas of life
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10/19/2010
yes i can and i am doing so now. i dont see a problem as long as out morals are in line.
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10/25/2010
No way–you can go to a club or bar with me and
can’t attend church services?
I’ve always been leery of black people that didnt believe in God.
Thats just unnatural for us.
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